Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
