I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
