i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
