I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
