This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize