Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am available for nakedness
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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