I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
