Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
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Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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