In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
