Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
