I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
