Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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