So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize