i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
