Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
