Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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