life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
