i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
