So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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