i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
