Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
