i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
