It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
