Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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