I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
