Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
