i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
