His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
