dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We're not piercing ourselves today.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
