I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
