i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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