She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
