Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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