Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i dont even know how to be here
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
