i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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