I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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