why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
