I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
