last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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