I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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