We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
