Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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