Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
