I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
this boner is exhausting
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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