Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
