I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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