R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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