I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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