Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
