i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
