i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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