they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
