I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
