My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
FUCK WHALES
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
