He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
