I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
