I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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