His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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