He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize