1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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